Where is the "good" in goodbye?

      For the business to operate during those last few months in 2009, it was required by GM to remain a full service dealership... new car sales, used cars, service... the whole ball of wax.  This was quite costly at a time when money was not exactly coming OUR way.
     There was a certain amount of money promised by GM to assist dealers to close (wind down assistance).  GM decided on the amount and let me tell you, it was a fraction of what was actually required. Closing a business is not as easy as locking the door and walking away. This money was not compensation and it was just a p.r. ploy to make GM look like "good guys".  Another ploy was to state in the press that they, GM, would consider letting terminated dealers open and purchase a new location.  That would be like someone seizing your home(that was paid for in full)without paying you for it and then telling you that they will allow you to buy a new home somewhere else.  With what?  They used the press to cover their ass with this stuff and the press did not report the other side.
     We were closing.  That was it.  What happens then?  Should they try to keep the service department and used cars going?  Our building was about 120,000 square feet with four floors.  It was too big for that, especially when the economy was so depressed.
    The charter school across Cass Ave., University Prep Elementary, had expressed interest at one time in purchasing our building but in 2009 said that they were not in a position to do so at the time. This was a  charter school that Robert Thompson founded.  He is the man who offered $200 Million to the city of Detroit to build charter schools and they didn't want it so he went ahead and built it all on his own. Kwame Kilpatrick could be seen picking up his children and sometimes strolled through the dealership before school got out.  This was shortly before his family moved to Texas.
          In past years, Wayne State University had voiced interest in buying our property.  They owned the adjoining property to the south... an old abandoned building that is so environmentally contaminated, nothing has ever been able to be done with it.  Randal Charlton, the director of Wayne State's Tech Town (technology research) project, was a familiar face at the dealership. He knew the situation and was interested in the building as the Tech Town building was running out of space.  He approached Wayne State about the possibility of purchasing it.
     Arbitration for terminated dealers was being talked about during the fall (President Obama signed the legislation December 16th, 2009).  This would allow terminated dealers to make a case for reinstatement with GM or Chrysler. I have stated in an earlier blog that GM had cut of all communications with our dealership. We got much news about the situation in the same way the general public did... through the media.  GM held a webinar(seminar) to tell terminated dealers some of the details of the process but there was one minor detail overlooked... GM didn't communicate to those dealers that there would be a webinar.  We found out, after the fact, through our attorney and he heard about it through word of mouth.
     Probably no conspiracy here... just incompetence on the part of GM.
     So, GM would be required to give their reason for termination and the dealers could plead their case.
Dealers that were terminated after GM's bankruptcy filing were given no explanations for termination.
Now,once the dealer was notified, there was a 10 day window to file for arbitration.  A requirement for the dealer was that it had to reopen in the same facility and not in a new location.
     The National Automotive Dealers Association (NADA) had given us some information and they provided contact information where we could get questions answered by GM people.
     There was VITAL MISINFORMATION given to us from GM themselves that led our family to not proceed with arbitration.  Have you ever heard of financial intimidation?
     Within weeks of the arbitration deadline passing, a GM employee emailed to say that the VITAL MISINFORMATION previously  given was incorrect.
                            So sorry... so sad... too late... oh well.
     Long pause to allow for remembering the disbelief, anger and frustration... Relying on this misinformation, signatures were written saying no to arbitration and by the time the misinformation was cleared up, the building had been sold, so there was no way to open up in the same location, stipulated as a requirement for reinstatement.
     This seems a little back and forth and I apologize.  I laid the background for the situation going on at the time of the closing.
      The inventory was almost gone and in October, a date was decided on - Friday, November 20th. The employees were told right away.  Blue Cross people came to answer questions about health care and the 401K people came to answer any questions. All employees stayed until the end.
     Wayne State came through with an offer to buy the building.  They were very gracious and said that we could stay in the building as long as we needed.
     November 20th was a very gray and cloudy day.
     Keith remembers getting dressed that morning and putting on his suit and he said that it felt like he was dressing for a funeral.  It was like GM killed the dealership and what it meant for us... and we have to watch the killer go free... to move about freely and be applauded for its success while it tells everyone how great it is.  Justice is never served for us.
     Wouldn't we all be in good shape if someone wiped away our debts and gave us billions of dollars?
    Keith said the day went by quickly with the focus being the "wake" at the end of the day.  Former employees and some of their families, our family members who did not work at the dealership and many former customers and friends came by to say goodbye. It was all very emotional.
      Employees cleared out their belongings and put them in their vehicles. Several media outlets were present - tv, radio and newspaper people reporting ...
     Keith spoke.  Uncle Chuck spoke.  They thanked everyone.  They wished everyone well. There were tears and hugs as people said goodbye to each other. That part of the process was over.
     I walked around the building with Jack as he took pictures.  We walked all the floors, the ramps, the old-fashioned elevator and up to the rooftop.  I was saying goodbye, I guess.  This was the last time I was in the dealership.
     On the rooftop, I looked in every direction, taking in the buildings that were so familiar like the Fisher Building, trying to commit it all to memory.
     I could see where the Cadillac name had been painted over and only our name... Dalgleish, remained on the sign that was on the brick building facing the used car lot. That was one of GM's conditions for terminated dealers - any sign containing the name and the brand together had to be destroyed or painted over.  All letterhead, envelopes, etc. with the words Dalgleish and Cadillac were to be destroyed.
     How could they!  That was really hard on us.

     I'd never been on the rooftop before.  My boys used to enjoy going up there and throwing blocks through the windows of the abandoned building that adjoined ours.  That sounds bad but boys like to do that sort of thing and what's the difference now anyway?
     Our memories will always be complicated by a certain sadness. Even a happy memory... you may laugh as you retell it but it will always end the same way - with a tinge of sadness.
     That building was as much a part of our lives as our home and the home I grew up in... the farm where my parents still live.  I walk around our property, exploring it and visiting my favorite spots and there is just a feeling that goes along with ownership .  It belongs to you.  You have a right to be there, to walk around it... anywhere and at anytime. Not everyone has that right, but you do...
     You have a connection with everything you see - this is where... and this was always here... this is where this happened.  I will miss it so very much!

              "How very lucky I am to have something that makes saying good-bye so hard."




   
   

Where is MY visual schedule?

This one is about me...

    To be honest, I found many ways to avoid and delay writing this entry and now have rewritten it many times.  This one is about the Autumn of 2009. It is the white-hot emotional upheaval that I experienced as the date of closing the dealership came nearer. It is the emotional element of this, let's say, journey, that cannot be separated from the facts and dates.
    To be positive about it, I could not be writing and sharing these things if I wasn't looking at them through the rearview mirror. I can say, yeah, things were bad but I am getting so strong.  That is a word with such depth.  I do hold on to some bitterness and some anger but I am, excuse me, we are, far from where we have been.  That time was the darkest valley for me and I just remember Keith and I saying to each other... we have to go through it to get to the other side.
    I had returned (after being pink slipped in the spring) to a full-time position in a new school.  It was to be the most challenging job I'd ever had (so far...please, God)  I want to give credit to this school system of ours - from my view in special education - I see staff giving 110%.  So much time and energy is spent brainstorming how best to assist special needs students.  You take this work home with you and it enters your dream life.
    It was a physically demanding job.  I would return home exhausted. I was drained emotionally from all that went on during the day.  I was too new at this to let it all roll off me.  I didn't have the tools to process everything that upset me.  I had to hold it together during the day and I pushed it all down deep because I did not want my home, our home, to be a sad place, especially for Jack who was still at home. I knew Keith had a lot on his mind and I didn't want to add to his burden.
    When you think of that phrase "the weight of the world", that is how it was for me.  Right now I'm thinking that I can't believe I got through that time without some serious anti-depressants. How I operated under the weight of sadness, fear and anxiety, I can't explain in words how I felt like a different person... not me.
    The staff was supportive and I felt badly about presenting myself as such a "Debby Downer" to them but I didn't have much else to offer at this time.  I do believe that it was easier for me to be with people I didn't know well during this time because they didn't know my back story, they didn't know me. I could keep my walls up and it allowed me a certain privacy.
    This sounds so pitiful but during those dark days I would force myself to focus on small positives like how good the hot water felt on my skin in the shower or how beautiful the sky looked in the morning.  It kept me going in the right direction.  I knew I was going to get through this and the hard part would end but in the heat of things, I was just spinning and trying to hold on to something.  When I think back about this time I see that the only person that I let see me as I was, was me.  I spent a lot of time alone in my thoughts.
    Some of the children I work with have a lot of anxiety.  One way we help them cope is to give them a visual schedule of their day.  It is usually  made up of small pictures showing for example, circle time followed by desk work, snack, recess, gym, etc.  It helps them to know what is coming next so they don't get anxious.
    The date of the closing was set for November 20th.  If I had a visual schedule that date would be on it and all the spaces following would be blank.  I had such anxiety not knowing what the future held after that day.
    It seems I was in a self-imposed isolation.  I don't remember socializing much during that time.  The phone did not ring much but it did ring.  I'm sure people did not know what to say... I wouldn't have known what to say before it happened.  I remember saying to my friend Laura when she called that I just couldn't talk to her now, I would talk to her when it was over because it was too painful.  I wanted to keep control of myself and my grief.
    Sometimes, a student will see an activity on his schedule that he doesn't like and as that time comes closer the anxiety builds and we remind him that after that comes... something he does like.  It gives him something to hold on to.  I liken those last days before the closing to my experience during childbirth.  I never cried out until the end... until the baby's head crowned and the pain was too much and then I whispered "hurry... please hurry!"  As the pressure and anxiety built that last week, I couldn't hold it back.  It escaped. Just days before the closing, I saw my neighbor Carolyn and there we were, just hugging in the middle of the street.  Once the tears started, they just flowed out of me.
    Another neighbor, unaware of the timing, stopped by the house the night before the closing.  I couldn't keep my composure and I it just spilled out of me again.  I apologized for burdening her with my grief. Isn't THAT crazy!
It is so strange, how people operate.  Everyone has a story... how often it goes unknown.
    Should I meet with catastrophe again, I will not isolate myself.  Everyone has problems and I don't have to be ashamed.  Trying to hide my grief and vulnerability made things very difficult.  I had no experience with this sort of thing and I just crawled my way through it - alone.  I tried to be all perfect and by God, I am free of thinking I have to do that!
    So, the world didn't fall apart November 20th... lesson learned.
    Weeks after the closing I was sitting in the staff lunch room alone, (I usually ate alone because of scheduling problems) staring at a job posting at another school. It was for a different type of work.  I stared at it for a few days before I said to myself:  You've got to try.  Save Yourself! Instinct told me that I was not dropping anchor where I was. I applied and got the job and in January(new year, new job) I started anew.
    Many times I've wondered if my personal life hadn't been in such upheaval, could I have hung in there.  I was disappointed in myself because it felt like failure at the time.  I thought my heart was big enough and it was... it was just that I learned I had limitations.  It was difficult, but I cared and I tried all I knew how to do. I have to forgive myself... and I need to let it go.  That is what I believe this blog is helping me to do...

    " A great wind is blowing and that gives you either imagination or a headache."
                                                                                            Catherine the Great

Permanent Press

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I'll begin with a story told to me by Doug Sr.
    GM had often used outside consulting firms to conduct sales studies.  One such study measured our sales penetration in the metropolitan Detroit area.  A map was designed showing dots that represented our customer addresses throughout the area.
    When it was delivered to the dealership to be studied and assessed for weak areas, there were two large areas where no sales were represented.  Those were considered areas where the dealer should concentrate more effort to attract sales. GM had used information like this for years to critique dealers and point out that they were underperforming in specific areas.
    Doug Sr. laid the survey map out and then looked at an area map.  The first weak area happened to be Belle Isle.  If you don't live around here, Belle Isle is a large public park and is uninhabited.  The second area was where a Ford Motor Plant was located.  He promptly called up the person named on the study to give him a piece of his mind.
    The idea behind it was perhaps good, but you would expect it to be carried out with common sense and thoroughness.
    What brought this story to mind was an article the other day in the Free Press about how new dealerships are on the rise with 66 new franchises added in the first half of 2011.  That sounds like a positive story... but I wanted to know which brands added these dealers.  Were they foreign or domestic? Were any new Cadillac franchises added, I'm wondering. There wasn't enough information given - like a news sound bite that passes for a story. This article was based on a report released by Urban Science, which is a global retail consulting firm.
    I also read a recent article where a dealer was talking about how he had taken a hard hit during the bankruptcy but now his profits are soaring.  The Urban Science guy stated that was the whole intent when the dealer body was shrunk.
    If they were consulted on dealer cuts, then it is in their best interests to show that it was a good idea for the long run.  It turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy, true or not.
    Okay, it isn't much of a stretch to see profits soaring from the point in time of the bankruptcy.  That is good news for that dealer but how is that good for the rest of us?  It's just a redistribution of wealth! Cut one dealer and give their customers to a remaining dealer and of course he's going to profit!  It's at the expense of the employees of the ousted dealer. It is concentrating the wealth instead of spreading it.
    More profit for that dealer does not result in any savings for the consumer.  With less dealers, there is less competition.
    Dealer profits up = less places to shop = monopoly = customer pays more
    More profit for the dealer also does not equal gains in market share for manufacturers. That is not what that means at all.
    My point is that some of these articles lead you to believe that any good news is good news for all. Numbers and statistics can be used by people to say anything they want them to say.  Sometimes using numbers seems to imply fact but the bigger issue is what message are they sending with those numbers and that message is not always factual.
    It is so hard to know what or who to believe!  On a Tuesday, I remember reading that the economy was in an upswing.  The very next day the tv gave the exact opposite message.  Did it change in one day?  Conflicting information; misleading information; too much information - you have to rely on your own common sense.

The Secret Service Sends the Police to the Dealership

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  In early August of 2009, Vice president Joe Biden came to the New Center area to talk about stimulus grants for battery research at Nextenergy. He would also talk about the economy and jobs. This was a stone's throw from the dealership.
    One of the guys at the dealership made a large banner that said "PLEASE SAVE OUR JOBS". It was hung from a 3rd floor window,well before Biden's arrival time. It was an attempt to draw media attention and possibly catch Biden's eye.
    It was not to be. There was a large police presence in the area for the event.  The banner had only been hung for about 20 minutes before two policemen came by and said that the Secret Service had directed them to have us take it down.
    These policemen were cordial but firm about the directive.  We knew we were within our rights to keep the banner, but to keep the peace and not create a fuss, it was taken down. What a regret that is now.  Perhaps if it had happened later in the process...
    The dealership always had a good relationship with the police.  They were helpful and came quickly when needed.  They always looked out for us and were always on our side.
    I know police and crime go hand-in-hand in the news.  In response to the 17 shootings last weekend - more police and better lighting were recommended.  While these are both positive ideas, how much can they really accomplish?  Shootings and crime happen in broad daylight.  When that happens, it is like an attitude of "Whatever happens, happens. I'm doing this!".
    The problem is much bigger and harder to solve than more police and lighting.  People have to have jobs.  They have to be able to support themselves and their families.  Desperate people do desperate things.  Drugs, alcohol, crime - those are all unhealthy ways of dealing with the stress of feeling overwhelmed, powerless, and hopeless.
    It's always great when big companies relocate to the city.  I applaud them because it is not without risk.  Small businesses are also needed.  Factories are needed.  This is not just a Detroit issue - the reality of our country is we have a lot of unskilled and/or undereducated people who need jobs too. The situation is already here, not in the future.
    If you watch television, it sounds like everyone can go to college.  While that might be the ideal, the reality is not everyone goes to college. Period.  I so believe that we have to have manufacturing if we're going to make it in this country.  We can't survive on services and information.  We have to produce something that is real, that we can see and touch.  There is no shame in that reality.
   The dealership was a small business that sold real products.  It employed between 60 and 70 people.  That makes 60 and 70 families that had income and health insurance.  Did they all live in the city - no, but many of them did.
    One of the jobs at the dealership with the most turnover was that of the porter.That is kind of a catch-all position that involves moving cars around, washing them and other miscellaneous tasks around the dealership. They say it is easier to hire upper management than it is to hire a good porter.  It did pay above minimum wage but it was our experience that the porter usually didn't want to work very hard, was unreliable and was famous for saying "that isn't my job" when asked to do something.  Of course there were exceptions.
   On a lighter note:
    One of the more colorful characters that filled this position was "Louisiana Lonnie" and with him came a couple cohorts by the names of "Wicked Wanda" and "Homeless Johnny".  When you work with people, you get to know them and their stories and sometimes their personal lives show up at work.
    Lonnie had been in some trouble in Louisiana and somehow found his way to Detroit.  He was personable and extremely grateful to have the porter job.  In the city, you took chances on people who were down on their luck and needed a second chance.  Sometimes it works out.  Lonnie was a pretty good worker but his personal life...
   Wanda had taken Lonnie in.  She also had another roommate that she had taken in from being homeless.  Somehow he got the name "Homeless Johnny", no disrespect meant. They didn't quite know where Wanda was collecting these guys.
    She used to give Lonnie a lift to or from work and sometimes brought him a lunch.  She became "Wicked" about 3 months after Lonnie had been working at the dealership.  She showed up looking for him and she was there to do some damage. "I'm gonna kill him, that #!%!" she yelled from outside the building.  She had something like a tire iron in her hand.
  Luckily for him, someone warned Lonnie and he got out of the area.  They yelled out to her that he wasn't there and for her to go home and eventually she left without a call to the police.
    She threw him out and Lonnie disappeared for good a few days later.  Wanda sent Johnny to see if they had money(a paycheck) for Lonnie as he had crossed her and owed her money.  They did have a paycheck that they were holding because he had not returned his uniforms and also they didn't know where he was.  Keith gave Johnny a ride to Wanda's to pick up the uniforms.  This was right in the middle of the "combat zone" northeast of the dealership.  Keith remembers sitting in his Cadillac wearing his nice suit and thinking "I've gotta be nuts being here for a few uniforms!".  All eyes in the area were on him.  Fortunately, It all worked out safely.
    Lonnie wrote sometime later that he was back in Louisiana and they did end up sending him his last paycheck.  You get involved in the drama sometimes and you feel bad for people in these situations but short of adopting them you give them a chance to work and support themselves and they make their own choices after that.  That's all you can do.

Summer in the City

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Something serious and something funny today.
    While there was determination to fight and hope for a reprieve, the dealership had to proceed through the wind down process. The economy during the summer of 2009 was rocky.  There were no good leasing options and leasing was a big part of the luxury car market in Detroit.
    There were about 100 new cars in our inventory, those being all 2009's.  There could be no new orders for 2010 models but there were already some orders placed for customers before the termination letter came.  New models would usually begin to arrive in August.
  We had to fight to get those orders filled.  GM tried to divert those customer orders to other dealers.  We had to scream and yell at the district sales manager to straighten this out.  It was all so frustrating and GM seemed to be making a difficult process even harder every step of the way.
    After the June termination, GM was not communicating with our dealership as they had done previously.  We did not receive important bulletins or pertinent information that was needed even for the wind down process.  We had to rely on dealer friends to give us vital information.
    The inventory became stale.  Some customers came in expecting fire sale prices.  Some people did not want to buy from a dealer that is going out of business... they might as well transition to the place where they would get their vehicle serviced.
    There was no "trade bait". Often dealers will trade with each other and we didn't have anything new to offer.
    Looking back, it was an amazing feat to sell those cars, be weighed down by the overhead, keep ALL the employees working, fight day to day battles with GM and just carry on.
What was it like to work in the city during the summer?
    Of course it was hot.  People would be walking around, up and down Woodward, up and down Cass.
Guys from the 1/2 way houses would wander in, trying to get some cool air or take "sink baths" in the service department bathrooms.
    I asked Keith if there was something nice about summer there and he said and I quote: "The hookers were more scantily clad".  We both laughed so hard.  Keith!  He followed with the fact that sometimes they would pull together a barbeque during lunch on the used car lot.
    He got to know a lot of the locals and there were definitely some characters. Bicycle Man - dressed all in black, looking like an assassin.  He would pull up on his bike in front of the building, get off and pull out a tape measure that he kept like a gun in a holster.  He would stare through the windows (they would stare back), squint and eyeball them as he "measured them up" as if for a coffin.  It was all very dramatic. He would then put the tape measure back in the holster and get on the bike and ride away. He would be around for several days in a row.  Then he would be gone for months before reappearing.  Eventually he just stopped showing up and they never knew what happened to him.
    Another crazy was "the inspector".  He would inspect every car, taking an hour to perform his ritual.  For the most part these guys were harmless. Sometimes they had to be shooed away if customers were nearby.
    One day, Keith was standing in the office talking with Reverend Ed Rowe when they noticed a beating going on across Woodward.  Rev. Rowe said "somebody's got to help that man!"  Nobody moved and in the next minute, Rev. Rowe is out the door walking fast toward the street.  Keith used a few choice words and followed.
    As they got closer, it was two men stomping a guy on his head. They yelled at the men to stop and leave him alone.  The men did stop and moved away as Keith and Rev. Rowe approached. They thought the guy was dead.  They knew the police were coming and wanted to stall the men until they got there.  Keith picked a metal pipe and calls for them to come back.  They yelled back and forth but eventually they ran before the cops came.
    Rev. Rowe asked Keith later what he was going to do if they came back and Keith said he was planning to take their heads off with the metal pipe.  Rev. Rowe said something like"Oh Lord.  I can't condone that but I guess I'm glad you had a plan".
    The guy lived and told the police it was a squatters rights problem from some abandoned house on Piquette.  All in a day's work.
    Next up: Joe Biden, Louisiana Lonnie, Wicked Wanda and Homeless Johnny

Ouch!

    When someone throws a jab at someone that I love/like/admire - I feel it. Another thing about me is that I hate being misunderstood.
    Something occurred last night that I feel I want to address - now.
    A small group of former employees and family members met up for bowling and socializing. Keith went and now wishes he hadn't.
    He was talking with one of the employees who said "When are you guys going to open up something so we can all come back?".  Keith said he didn't think that was going to happen.  She said that when she sees old customers, they comment on how good it was to deal with Dalgleish Cadillac and how unhappy they are now dealing with other establishments.  Nice comments.
   Then she said something like "Boy are they MAD at you all for leaving."  Keith was like What?! Repeat that... Without really defending that point and throwing some other jabs - Keith realized she felt the same way.  The implication was that WE wanted out.
    If we were the kind of people to leave(abandon) the city of Detroit, we would have done that after the 1967 riots.  There had been other opportunities - offers to open up in other locations outside the city.  In hindsight, we most likely would still be in business had we done so.
    As a business owner, you would have the right to sell or change locations. That right was taken away from us and the dealership was forced to close.  No one benefited from this.
    For all the hassles of owning a business in the city of Detroit - the crime, the bums and addicts wandering around all day and night, the high insurance costs because of the crime... we even had higher health care premiums for employees than suburban sites.
    For all that, we still wanted to be in business.  It was ours...
    So, to hear this person throw blame - that infuriates me, especially from someone who had a front row seat to the slow death of our business.  I know the toll.. I experienced the grief, the worry, the sadness, the anger and feelings of helplessness.  I was there.
    My God, we felt that we were the ones abandoned!
    To lose it all and fade into the gray... to watch commercials for Cadillac and know we are not a  part of this anymore - it's like a pencil going over the paper slowly erasing our name.  It still feels this way.  To hear on the radio how GM is coming back and we are not part of that - that is like a knife in the back.
    How could anyone think we wanted this?

  Next time: Summer in the City

Shirley Temple

    In the late 80's, I was working for Borders Book Store(so sad that they are now bankrupt).  Shirley Temple Black visited our store in Novi on a book tour for her autobiography, Child Star.  I would say that most of the employees were in their 20's and quite serious about our literature and maybe a little uppity about "popular" stuff.  I cringe admitting that but, oh well.  I loved Shirley Temple too! She would be signing her books and I would be there as part of the security team.

     I never expected how it went down.  People were lined up for hours throughout the store. She spoke to each and every person and signed their books and could not have been more gracious.  As security, we had to constantly tell people to back up and not crowd Shirley. This was a first hand view of a "star struck" public. Everyone was so excited! It was the biggest event we'd ever have while I worked there.

     The day after her signing, I was working at the information desk when an elderly gentleman approached.  He asked if Shirley Temple had been there and he was so disappointed to know he had missed her.  

He said something like "You know, we were so poor , we didn't have anything and she just danced across the stage and lifted our spirits and made us forget...". It was so heartfelt and I've remembered what he said for 20 some years.

    Our Shirley:

    Before all this dealership business came up, I'd been talking to Keith about getting a dog.  He was not for it and I gave many arguments like the kids should have the experience of having a puppy and so on and so forth, you know... He finally came around grudgingly and we decided on a cockapoo(cocker spaniel/poodle).  We made a visit to a breeder and reserved a newborn puppy that would be ready to join us in July.

    When the news came that GM was closing our dealership, I said to Keith "Let's not get the dog".  It just seemed with all the "unknowns", adding the expense of a dog wouldn't be a good idea.  The economy was so bad and Michael was in college and I just envisioned all kinds of end-times scenarios.  Keith said emphatically "No, we are getting the dog".  It would be something positive for all of us to focus on.

     It was the best decision we ever made. That little dog, Louie danced across our lives and has given us so much joy.  We took all our emotions and loved this little puppy, all four of us.  I never knew that I could love a little dog so much.  One benefit, for me personally, was getting out and walking with him.  I'm the kind of person who will isolate when hurt.  It would have been so easy to spend the summer holed up in the house, licking my wounds. 

    Louie forced me out into the neighborhood.  It had made me sad to think that neighbors might avoid us because they felt badly and didn't know what to say.  So, this was an opportunity to see my neighbors and be able to talk about the PUPPY and not about the awful thing that had happened. Yeah, that seems like avoiding the issue, but believe me, we had plenty of time to face what was going on.  The dog was a great distraction from our problem.

     Both the boys are gone now.  When we come home and Louie comes running to greet us - dancing, tail wagging and so happy to see us, it is a comfort I can't say enough about. It gives a certain life to the house to have a pet - one of life's blessings.

Heavy Cloud

    I apologize for any confusion on posts from 7/16.  There are no posts on that day.  I had trouble adding a photo slideshow to the blog and for the time being, a temporary, is located at the bottom of the blog page.

    So, there were ten days upon receival to figure out whether to sign the termination agreement.  Phone calls were made to the Detroit politicians.  The lawyer was consulted.  They struggled with how to handle this but in the end, it all pointed to signing because not signing meant immediate closure.  Time meant hope.
    The first step was to tell the employees.  They put out the word that there would be an All-employee meeting at the 2nd floor service area.
    A few minutes before the meeting, Keith was in the used car office with two guys that he worked very closely with(one of them from the day Keith began work).  One wanted to stay and cover the lot but Keith said "No, you should come to the meeting.  It's not good news.". They both knew immediately.  Keith apologized to them for not telling them sooner.  They said they understood.  There were tears.  You know how much tears cost for men because you see it so rarely.
    Over the years, Keith had made opening announcements at meetings and he volunteered to give the news.  He had to fight to keep his composure as he told them that the dealership had received the "bad letter" from GM.  Charles Jr., Doug Jr., Keith and his dad, Doug, all stated that they were going to do all they could to fight this.  They wanted to sound hopeful because they did still have hope at this time.
    There were tears and there was shock and there were angry comments about GM.  One of the questions was about a timeline.  If the fight was lost, how much time do we have? The October 2010 date was given and that was 16 months away.
    The meeting lasted about 20 minutes.  The guys said they would keep everyone informed.  It was encouraged now to tell others, anyone they knew in the community that could possibly help.
   Once they told the employees, they knew the word would spread.  People had friends at other dealerships and it would be fast.
    It was going to be difficult to carry on with business as usual under this heavy cloud.  Other dealers were not being public about signing and keeping it to themselves.  Who knew what was the right course?  Everyone was in shock.
    They'd heard that some dealers never told their employees until the end for fear they would jump ship.
Dalgleish didn't want to do that and that's because of the good relationship they had.
    Many of the people were long timers.  A majority of them had been there over 20 years but some had been there 30 years, 40 years.  There were a couple of generations of some families that worked there beside the Dalgleish family.
     You knew their families.  Keith grew up with them.  There were weddings and babies and funerals.  There were picnics and bowling and Christmas parties, concerts and Tiger games together.This small business was like an extended family.
    The meeting was on a Friday afternoon.  You knew they would all go home to be with their families and tell them the news just as we had told our boys.  It was a very sad time.
    Next blog - Shirley Temple

Exhausting the 313

    In most parts of the country, there was a large outcry and movement by politicians from areas where dealers were cut.  In many of those cases, the dealers were reinstated. For one thing, they realized the importance of the tax base and other revenue that these dealers produced for their areas.
    Even if none of the Detroit leaders cared about us personally, they should have been concerned about losing a half million dollars in property taxes, payroll taxes and other fees and licensing requirements that had to be paid yearly to the city. For over a year after the sale of our building, the city kept sending us a property tax bill. It took about 6 phone calls in a years time to get someone to straighten it out - each time, being on hold for over an hour only to have them say that "it's not my job". They would give another phone number to call and that number would either ring and ring with no answer, or give a full voicemail message.  It was comical.
Anyway, Wayne State bought the building and as a state owned university, they are exempt from paying property taxes.
    After contacting Bing, an email was sent to Ken Cockerel, president of the city council, followed by a phone message.  When he called back, he acted as if he knew nothing about the situation.  Keith asked if he had received the email and he said yes. It was a strange and awkward moment. Keith explained it all again and when he was done, Cockerel said "What do you want ME to do?" Keith said that we could use your voice and help to try and save our business.  Cockerel said "I don't know what I can do but I'll look into it.  He never called back and Keith knew it was useless to pursue his help.
    Carolyn Cheeks Kilpatrick (Kwami's mommy) was the state representative for the dealership's district and was a long time customer, as was Kwami. A call was made to her office and the case was made for help.  She said she would try to help and she did try.  She wrote a letter to Mark LaNeve, the front man for GM during the dealer cuts.  Unfortunately, by the time it was sent, he had already "left" GM and it went nowhere.
     You can say what you want  about Kwami Kilpatrick - we actually think he would have helped us! He was very approachable and had been very loyal to us as a customer. He understood small business and their importance to the city. That might not be a popular statement as of late, but it's true regardless.
    We don't blame these public figures for the closing of the dealership.  It would just have been nice to have had the support of the city that we'd been a part of for 88 years.
    We also made contact with our customers who were high profile ministers in Detroit such as Reverend Wendell Anthony(also president of the Detroit branch of the NAACP, Reverend Jim Holly, Reverend Horace Sheffield and Reverend Ed Rowe. Their support and the support of friends and customers who wrote letters was much appreciated.  Thank you. Unfortunately it was all for naught.
    Pretty early on in this whole ordeal, I made a visit to my foot doctor(Dr. Garfield - great doctor!). We were talking and he said he was sorry to hear the news about the dealership.  Then he said something like "They have this wonderful reputation, this legacy. No one can take THAT away.".  It was so touching and I was caught off guard by his kindness.  I confess -  I cried. I tried not to! He was just one of the many people who helped along the way.  Thank you.
    We had a problem.  We asked for help.  No one could help solve the problem... but the support that we did have along the way... it meant everything.

Next blog - signing the termination agreement

Bing

The last blog was too long, so I will break this next topic into 2 postings.
     The day that the termination letter arrived, Keith called Detroit mayor Dave Bing to ask for his help.  He was a customer and had bought many cars from us.  Keith had to leave a message but mayor Bing called back within the hour.  Keith explained the situation.  Mayor Bing seemed outraged and said "They can't do that!" He said that he had connections at GM and he would call them immediately and get back to Keith.
    A few days went by and Keith spoke with his secretary and faxed some information to her.  A couple more days went by and Keith called again and emailed.  Nothing.  He never heard from him again.  Why didn't he call back?  Everything we knew about him showed that he was a stand up guy. Why didn't he call and just say "Sorry, can't help you out."? Did GM or some politician tell him to stay out of it?
    Bing's former top aide, Karen Dumas, was also a customer.  She is the woman who was just in the news a few weeks ago and was let go in somewhat of a news scandal.  Anyway, the day we closed the doors for good, she was there to pick up her vehicle which had been in the body shop with significant damage. There was trouble getting a certain part and she loudly accused us of deliberately stalling. It was so stupid.  She was making a scene at the cashier's window.  Most of the employees were in the showroom where the farewell was going on but Keith came onto the scene and when he realized who it was, proceeded to give her this:
     You've got a lot of nerve to come in here today and make faulty accusations and only be concerned for your own problems and why don't you come to the showroom and tell the 65 employees who are about to be unemployed in an hour about your petty little bull___ problem when your boss didn't lift a finger to save their jobs!!
    If you know, Keith, you know he doesn't back down.
 She did a complete 180 and apologized.  She went to leave and returned with an envelope with 4 Red Wing Tickets!  Can you imagine?
    Nothing that happens in the city of Detroit surprises us anymore.  All the stories of scandals, corruption, incompetence and inaction - that is not news to us. God help that city because it needs help!

Gang Bangers and Soccer Moms

    So, why cut dealers - there never was a good reason as far as we were concerned!
In February of 2009, the Obama administration set up a task force to work with GM during the financial bailout.  Someone, I'd so like to know who, came up with the suggestion to look at Toyota's success with only 1,400 dealers compared to GM's 6,000+ dealers. Getting closer to that magical number became part of the restructuring plan along with closing plants, terminating brands, UAW concessions, etc.
    In order to receive over $40 billion from the government, GM was required to provide a plan.
Interestingly - the automotive advisor to the government task force(car czar) was later involved in two separate fraud investigations where he paid some $16 million to keep his ass out of jail. He never had any automotive experience. So goes it...
    In June of 2009, Fritz Henderson appeared before congress and was asked to give reasons for closing dealerships.  Here are a couple ways that GM was to save $1 million per closing:

1. Advertising -
   WRONG! GM didn't pay for individual dealer ads, the dealer paid for those and also had to pay a fee to GM just to make their own ads. Dealers also paid showroom displays, color charts and brochures(we paid GM $20 per Cadillac brochure).
2. Training -
   WRONG! Dealers paid for their own training for sales staff and technicians.
3. Rebates -
   The logic behind this point was less dealers...less cars sold... less rebates paid out.  HUH? They wanted to sell LESS cars?

    Our thoughts are that dealers don't cost GM a dime.  If a dealer didn't sell ONE car, GM would still make money from the dealer through:
           1. franchise fees
           2. GM charged dealers fees just to communicate with them via the internet.
           3. Dealers paid GM for signage. Our Dalgleish Cadillac exterior sign was $600 a month.
               We had 3 of them.  That is $21,600/year for 3 signs!
           4. GM required dealers to buy between $10,000 and $75,000 a year worth of special tools just
               to have on site.  It was common that many of them were never needed or used.
           5.  All cars and parts were paid for up front by dealers to GM.
    These are just a few ways that dealers paid their own way. How they could say that it would save them $ was ludicrous from our perspective. It was just a smoke screen for the much bigger money grab.

    So, why us?  Why were we one of the casualties?
The first round of cuts were supposed to have been made using criteria that related to sales effectiveness.  It was known that GM's people looked at how a Cadillac dealership compared with its luxury brand competitors in its own marketing territory.
    In our specific territory, people were buying more Cadillacs than Mercedes, BMW, Lexus or Lincoln and that made our "market effectiveness" very good. the other criteria was the Dealer's Customer Satisfaction Index (CSI) rating. There too, our numbers were among the nations best.  It was 90%, which was almost unheard of.
   So, how was GM going to cut more dealers as was the plan?  Well, they waited until the DAY AFTER bankruptcy was filed and then under the guise of bankruptcy they were able to violate Michigan's franchise laws.  It seemed to us like they did whatever they wanted to do - get rid of problem dealers, take away from one dealer and give to another.  This is where we saw favoritism in the Detroit area.  There is a dealer we know who had been in business many years. The back story is that their location was bad and they were terminated.  The franchise rights were awarded to a different dealer who has now been allowed to set up shop in the same "bad location". Shame on you, GM!
    We were never given a reason at the time of termination.  An official out of Chicago (who later denied this) told us that we sold too many cars to suburbanites from our location in the city. Uh, shouldn't that say something good about us? We were able to bring people into the city!  After 4 generations of family members spread throughout the area, were we not supposed to sell cars to family, friends and neighbors?
    Shortly before we were cut, the head of Cadillac made a statement to a group of marketing and advertising executives stating that Cadillac didn't want to market to "gang bangers" and wanted to target "soccer moms".  We were an inner city dealership.  You can draw your own conclusions, but the customers at our dealership were diverse: church ladies, working people, the last 4 mayors of Detroit, professionals who worked in the city and many more everyday people. That is insulting!
    Good luck to the soccer moms in Novi!
    For whatever reasons, Detroit was no longer right for Cadillac.  There is no Cadillac dealership in the city of Detroit now.  For service, our customers have to leave the city and head to the suburbs.  Just another reason not to go to Detroit as we have heard it said many times!
    I have to say that there were so many more things that occurred that it is impossible not to be bitter. To know some of the inaccuracies, to feel that there were "back room" deals, to see what has transgressed in our area... that gets to you.  The word termination sounds so clean and final.  That is not how it is, you can believe that.
In the next blog: Who we appealed to for help
                           Signing away our lives and the next step

Rushing Quickly into Anger

 
    I am remiss in not mentioning the other family members who worked at the dealership.  At the time of the closing there were my sister-in-law Dona, nephews Kit, Justin and Drew, brother-in-law Doug, Keith's uncle Chuck and my father-in-law Doug Sr.  Over the years there were many family members who worked there including Keith's Aunt Muriel, my other 3 brother-in-laws Bruce, Tom and for many years Tim,  All or most of Keith's cousins and assorted family members.  My son, Michael worked there a few summers. During the 70's, many kids, friends of the Dalgleish's, worked there too. Believe me, I have heard some funny stories.  Someday...
    When writing about the dealership, I might use the word "we" or "our" but I use that word through my marriage to Keith.  I never worked there. I did spend time there. Every day, Keith came home with a story.  It put bread and butter on my table.  For many years when asked about the dealership, I would refer to it as my husband's family's dealership. I guess after 25 years of marriage, I claim this crazy family as my own...

    The media was calling daily looking for information:  "Were you terminated? Do you know any one who was terminated?". They didn't give them any information.  They felt they had to get a better handle on this whole deal.
    A "wind down" agreement showed up at the dealership shortly after the initial termination letter.  It was 6-8 pages long with a whole lotta legal mumbo jumbo stuffed into it.  Call the lawyer.
    Dealers were given 10 DAYS to decide whether to sign the agreement or not.  Let's call them options.
        1. If you signed the agreement, you gave up all rights as a GM dealer and any future claims against
            GM.  You also had permission to stay open until October of 2010, although you could apply for
            an earlier termination.
        2. If you did not sign, you would be lumped in with "old bankrupt GM" and you will not be a GM
            dealer, effective immediately.
    If our dealership had chosen option 2, we would have been stuck with $4-5 million  worth of inventory that we had already paid for.  Since we would not have been an authorized dealer, we would have been required to sell these new cars as used cars.  They would not be eligible to be leased, have no rebates and would carry less warranty.  It would have given other dealers an advantage and have been extremely costly to get rid of these vehicles.
    New cars and parts are paid for by the dealer before they even leave the factory.  GM required authorized dealers to purchase many parts and tools to have on site.  Our dealership also had several hundred thousand $ worth of parts that GM was never going to be buying back.
                    We do not know of ONE dealership, nationwide, who chose option 2.
    So really, there were no options, at least no good ones. Do you lose all your money or almost all of it?  We were all screwed.
    No dealers were talking in our area yet.  No one wanted to let the cat out of the bag.  One reason was that there were millions of $ worth of inventory to sell yet.  Who was going to buy it if they thought you were done for? Would people try to take advantage?
    During this 10 day period, Fritz Henderson appeared before Congress and states that there is an appeal process. We were like "what the !#%!.  There was no appeal process that was presented to us... not until the day after he said this, anyway. An email came stating "If you want to appeal your decision, you can send an email to this address."  It was just window dressing.  Of course we appealed! An email was sent back consisting of this answer:  Your appeal is denied.
    Picture yourself: you're operating under extreme pressure to make correct decisions that affect a lot of people.  The atmosphere is rank with fear and you are facing off with the largest corporation in the world who is backed by the United States Government.
   Please, if you have any questions or comments, post here on the blog or FB if you want.

GM used this for a publication

   My next blog - Why close dealers in the first place and Why us.

Unchartered Waters

    There are touchstones in my memory of these last few years - hearing the news from Keith, telling the children, the day the dealership closed... those are painful jabs.
When Keith told the kids, it was a heartfelt delivery.  In our culture we don't often see men express emotion.  It seems to kind of escape from their bodies. It is hard to witness this too, the hardest thing that I have seen him do.   I sat in my chair in the family room.  Keith tells the boys to come sit down.  It went down fast. There was no time to read a book on how best to break bad news to children.
    Our boys were so quiet.  I don't remember them asking questions which is good because we didn't have any answers.  So yes, the Titanic is sinking.  We're fairly sure we will not go down with the ship but we can't give you any details.  We are in unchartered waters.
    On tv, I've watched people, women, wailing in grief.  I always wonder what that would feel like... to push grief out.  Does it require effort or does it just roll out, uncontrollable? It makes sense to me - mind and body working together, but also it is foreign to me. My own personal observances of how people grieve is that they isolate, letting tears seep out quietly, keeping it private.
I don't know the right way, the best way... I just don't know.
    Keith did say that after the initial shock when they received the letter, a call was made to the district manager who was their local contact for years.  They had a friendly relationship, fellow spartan, all that.  They wanted to ask "What do we do? This can't be right... this can't be real."
    There was just an answering machine. That day he called back and immediately informed them that the call was a three-way call with the third party being a GM attorney.  All questions had to be directed to the attorney.  He, the district manager, could not comment on anything. The call was about 15 minutes long on speakerphone with Keith, his dad, uncle and brother. The attorney really didn't address their questions. He probably didn't know himself. He said a "wind down" packet would be coming in the mail to address questions and give details.  A website was being set up where questions could be emailed in.  21st century communications - breaking up by text, so to speak.
A dealership is franchised.  Our dealership owned the franchise rights to sell Cadillacs in the city of Detroit.  This was GM terminating our franchise agreement.
The attorney informed them that GM was allowing them to stay open as a Cadillac dealer until October 2010.  That was about 15 months away at the time. He slipped in that effective immediately, that day, they could not longer order any new cars ever again.  His tone was that they should be grateful that GM was giving them this time. Oh gee, thanks, GM.  Our guys were not confrontational because they didn't want to burn any bridges and were still in shock, thinking that this could be worked out.
    So how does the dealership remain open/viable for 15 months with no new product to sell? Huh? That was the beginning of a whirlwind of events and decisions and not knowing what would happen next.

YOU ARE NO LONGER PART OF GM'S FUTURE...

It has been over a month since I last wrote. One reason was that I wanted to describe the Dealership and give all kinds of details and hard facts and dates about it.  It seemed an overwhelming task for a recovering perfectionist like me.  I somehow wanted to prove just how great a place it was and how much it meant to our family but no matter how much I say it will never be enough.  I can't find the perfect words or enough details... it was part of me and it is gone. I loved it and I can't prove how much and I have decided not to try to justify my feelings. I will leave it at that for now. I have hopes that one day I will be able to share the wonderful memories without the sadness.
Secondly, we have been so busy with Jack's graduation and saying good-bye.  I wanted to savor every minute and live in the present. I was strong and I was weak and it was great and it was awful. Life... what can you do?
Thirdly, up next, was the saddest and most troubling time of my life. I guess you could say that I had to take a deep breath before putting it all into words.
Last time, I wrote of how we were spared the first round of cuts from GM dealer closings.  I had just been pink slipped. My little bump was greatly overshadowed by feeling so glad that the dealership would live another day.  It was not a great time however to be selling luxury cars in any market let alone the inner city. It could have died a natural death, so to speak...  we'll never know.
Rumors were still rampant and GM was silent.  A rumor was heard that a second round of cuts were coming.  The next afternoon, a letter arrived by Fedex from GM.  Keith said no one wanted to open it, so he did it. He said the first line went something like this: YOU ARE NO LONGER PART OF GM'S FUTURE...  no signature, no thank you, no regrets,  just FU. It was one page long and it said that more instructions would follow.  I never asked what went on during that time in the office with Keith, his dad, his uncle and his brother and I never will.
I found out over the phone.  I don't remember what was said or what I thought at the time.  We met at the baseball field at Franklin  and we stayed to see my friend, Elaine's son, play baseball.  It was a reminder of such a happy time of our lives when our life seemed to revolve around baseball fun.  I love that game!  It was a beautiful evening, warm and sunny and I just did not want to leave. I see myself in my memory walking in slow motion to my car.  We knew that when we went home, we had to tell the boys the news and that somehow made it so final, so real and so very, very hard.

Sunday in May

Taking a break from the long, sad tale.  Going to give my mom a break from crying. Ha Ha.
Realized that this blog (my kids say I pronounce it blahgg) is a great distraction from the issues of the day and now it is May and I am freaking out! Baby Jack will be leaving in 6 WEEKS! Literally, when anyone mentions the calendar, I swallow hard. He will be gone form the summer and then on to MSU.                   I just can't talk about it now.  I must focus on  tangibles right now like getting house ready for party, invites, details, etc. I am falling into old patterns.
Side note... I saw that Debbie Stabenow will be releasing a farm bill on my birthday (May 31st).  I am predicting something stupid, something crippling or both for farmers.  I hope I am wrong.  NOT a fan.

All in one day

I can remember May 15th very well.  I don't usually carry my cell phone but that day I did.  I was on pins and needles waiting for Keith to call. Keith says now that all 63 employees were walking around the dealership looking out the windows for the FedEx truck.  It always came twice a day, once in the morning for pick up and in the afternoon for delivery. The atmosphere was tense and every one was anxious.  They kept asking each other "Have you heard anything?".
By mid-afternoon I had not heard anything from Keith.  People kept asking me "Have you heard?". I finally walked into the staff restroom and called him.  He said something like the truck came and there was no letter.  Reports were coming to them by word-of-mouth in the car world that some dealers already had their letters but there was nothing official being said.  We all felt that we made it through! It was such relief - just like knowing some cuts will happen at your workplace and it isn't you.  You are sad for those cut but extremely glad that you were spared.
So, no letter, back to business as usual.
Within an hour, I was asked to step in and see the principal.  She sat beside me instead of behind her desk and asked about word on the dealer cuts and I was so glad to give her the good news.
I was caught off-guard when she then told me how sorry she was to tell me that I was being pink slipped! The school system was laying off a certain number of employees at the end of the school year and I was near the bottom of the list in seniority.  She said that she talked to Human Services and told them about the bad timing of this day in particular but was told that it would be public knowledge at the end of the day and I had to be notified.  She said that he offered to come over and tell me himself but she declined.
I knew cuts were maybe coming.  It happened frequently.  It also happens that the employee gets called back the week before school starts in the fall.  On any other day it would have been hard, but to go from such a relief high to a free fall low was more than I could take.
She was so nice and said all the right things and I said all the right things back as polite people do.  A few tears did escape but I just held it together somehow (shock?).  I walked directly back into the same staff restroom as before and called Keith.  The tears came and I could hardly speak.  We both were spinning.
 Like a person with shell-shock I walked back to my room where my coworkers took me into their arms and comforted me.  God Bless Them!  I'm sure they said all kinds of kind things to me but what I remember are the hugs.
What would have been an occasion to celebrate was tempered by loss. It worked the other way too - the day was not a total loss.

Fired by a first grader

I began the year of 2009 as a full-time employee.  I spent the morning working in an ASD(Autistic spectrum disorder) classroom. There were six children and four adults.  When I first substituted in an ASD room, I really knew nothing about autism.  I remember being afraid to talk to them or touch them, thinking that would upset them. The staff ALWAYS were extremely helpful.  I can say with certainty that people who work with special needs children are the nicest people you will ever meet.  Another trait they seem to have is an extraordinary good sense of humor. The work can be very stressful and we would look for reasons to laugh.  We did not laugh at disabilities. We laughed at situations and at each other. You could say we lifted each other up.
The teacher was wonderful.  She always took time to talk through situations and the reason for doing something a certain way.  She was a wealth of information.
In the afternoon, I worked with two students who were mainstreamed into general education classrooms. One fond memory that I have is accompanying a first grader to his art class.  If he didn't like what I said, he would say "You're fired!" quite loudly. You just had to laugh - it was funny. One not so funny memory is trying to subdue a student on a field trip who wanted to run.  Do you know how hard it is to  keep a 5 year old from running when they want to run? I found out it can't be done very gracefully.
It was going well though and we were almost done with the school year when:
In the spring, there were news reports that GM was going to be terminating some unknown number of dealers.  All information was coming through the media.  GM was not communicating directly with any dealers.  This was a state of panic for our family and the employees that made up Dalgleish Cadillac. Everyone started speculating about how the decisions would be made. This went on for awhile until the press came out with the news that GM would be notifying the terminated dealers via FedEx on May 15th.  SHIT...

Picking up where Oprah and All My Children are leaving off...

I'm breaking format and talking in present day because people have asked me about the term 5th chakra. God love the internet, where you can begin by looking for a paint color for your bedroom wall and end up writing a blog about yourself! That is how it happened.  I do love the randomness of a search!
The 5th chakra is that little spot at the base of my throat where grief and sadness have been blocked... pushed down and never to be revealed or dealt with. If you've ever wanted to cry and you felt pain in your throat... that's the area. If you learn to open that area it is the beginning of self expression. This is where I am right now: learning to be more self-aware and dealing with pain instead of avoiding it.
Just as anyone of any heritage can say "Oh look at the little bambino.", the 5th chakra is just the right term, right now. I am not an "Eastie" nor have I joined a cult or gone off the deep end.
Why am I writing in public format? Hello! I live with all men... even the cat and dog are males.  There is no talk with any emotional significance unless I am the driver! Also, I think many people have learned to minimize and put on a happy face, hoping that time will just ease the intensity and that is the healing to them.  Not for me. If I push down grief, it pops up at some very weird and inconvenient times and that has made me feel like the proverbial "hysterical woman". Then, of course, I push that shame down on top of the grief. You can see where this is going. My losses are smaller than many.  I have not felt the grief of losing my parents.  Having said that, my losses are painful and very real to me. They hurt very badly and the loss of our family's dealership... well, that is the tsunami that brought it all into the open. I will get to that loss another day.
 For now,everyone, have a wonderful holiday weekend.  Jo

Riding my bike to work

The same fall that my son left for college, I started a new job.  It was part-time working with  special needs children at the elementary school near my home.  My degree was in secondary education and I never did teach high school English as I once hoped to do decades ago.  My teaching certificate had expired long ago and I spent 8 years as a substitute, loving the flexibility of that job that alas, was viewed as a necessary evil by most people(even me).
I was so happy to be working!  The staff was great and I had friends there. There were challenges but it was new and thought provoking work. I was contributing and hoping to work into full-time.  The economy was crashing as I rode my bicycle to work with the wind in my face! I felt like a kid again doing that. Suddenly that job became very important as selling luxury cars in the Detroit inner city became quite challenging for Dalgleish Cadillac. I will talk more about my husband's family business later.
Five weeks into the job, I get called to the principal's office.  I thought it was about one of the students but when I got there, a woman was sitting at a table in the office and the principal and I sat down with her. She was there to tell me that my part-time position at the school was being eliminated. I swallowed my heart because I was so taken off guard.  She then said that there were two part-time positions at another school that if I was interested I could combine them to be full time. I said that I was interested and that I understood how these things happen.  I saw relief in both of them because hey, it's not easy to let someone go. I was sad to leave and little did I know, I would be back there again in two years.

Miss your face

So, yes it was sad sending our 1st son off to college.  The saddest time was the anticipation during the last few months leading up to fall. What I knew to say was that  our family dynamic was changing and we would never be the consistent family of four that sat at the dinner table every night. I did not ever think of it as a loss at that time.  My definition of loss was death. Looking back at this time, I know I felt something was over for me... the day-to-day responsibility of guiding him was done... he was launched.  It was also a control issue.  How could I control situations and protect him if we weren't together?
  The minute we dropped him off and I thought of how exciting a time this would be for him and how he had looked forward to it... I was okay. No scene in the parking lot. It was sort of anti-climatic.
  Yes, I did miss him.  You don't love and take care of a person for 18 years and not miss them.  I missed just seeing his face or having his physical presence moving through the house. Unlike the first time he drove a car down the street alone and didn't look back, this time he was gone but we had brand new relationship.  He didn't mind talking on the phone and he didn't mind a visit every so often. Conversation was easy and more mature.  I don't mean that it was sober and serious. I mean we could converse as two people and not just as mother and son. I have to say here that I couldn't be prouder of him.  He is a fantastic person who is intelligent, witty and very caring.

Hello

In the summer of 2008, I was sitting in my family room and munching on some tortilla chips.  I felt some pain in my throat and thought that I had not chewed very well and may have scraped myself with the hard edge of a chip. This feeling lasted about a month. At least once a day I would be aware of the pain in varying degrees. I finally decided that it must be cancer of the esophagus and I went to the doctor.  He is  a longtime friend of my father-in-law and just a great guy.

He looked in my throat, felt my throat and asked all the pertinent questions about the pain and did it occur after eating, etc. He then asked me if I was feeling any stress.  I said no, not really.  I am a little sad because my son is leaving for college next week. A light bulb went off and he sort of smiled and said he'd be right back. A 1/2 hour later he returned with a medical book from 50's and said that he thought I had what was listed as globus hystericus: the proverbial lump in the throat.  He put his hand on my arm and said "Honey, you just have to let go.". No tests, no 2nd opinion...  I was cured!  He said some people get ulcers, some get headaches and I had the lump.

This was the beginning of a new phase of my life.  Loss...the stuffing down of all emotions connected to loss, having those emotions resurface as new losses popped up, finding all methods of avoiding dealing with them, finally identifying them, facing them and letting go. I set this blog up to express some of my experience and thoughts on this common occurrence that seems anything but common.

I have some funny spots, some truly quite painful times and some anger to direct.  More to come.  Jo