Miss your face

So, yes it was sad sending our 1st son off to college.  The saddest time was the anticipation during the last few months leading up to fall. What I knew to say was that  our family dynamic was changing and we would never be the consistent family of four that sat at the dinner table every night. I did not ever think of it as a loss at that time.  My definition of loss was death. Looking back at this time, I know I felt something was over for me... the day-to-day responsibility of guiding him was done... he was launched.  It was also a control issue.  How could I control situations and protect him if we weren't together?
  The minute we dropped him off and I thought of how exciting a time this would be for him and how he had looked forward to it... I was okay. No scene in the parking lot. It was sort of anti-climatic.
  Yes, I did miss him.  You don't love and take care of a person for 18 years and not miss them.  I missed just seeing his face or having his physical presence moving through the house. Unlike the first time he drove a car down the street alone and didn't look back, this time he was gone but we had brand new relationship.  He didn't mind talking on the phone and he didn't mind a visit every so often. Conversation was easy and more mature.  I don't mean that it was sober and serious. I mean we could converse as two people and not just as mother and son. I have to say here that I couldn't be prouder of him.  He is a fantastic person who is intelligent, witty and very caring.